SaturdayOct 17, 2026
Quotes: 53419 Authors: 9969
Television is a device that permits people who havent anything to do to watch people who cant do anything.
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
Television is chewing gum for the eyes.
Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart.
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.
I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and I can't remember what the third thing is.
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard let him worry about cutting it.
The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
Committee a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
California is a fine place to live if you happen to be an orange.
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself there.
Where were you fellows when the paper was blank?
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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