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People tend to think I'm always aggressive and strong. The truth is, I've always been wracked with self-loathing, which leads me into terrible, self paralysing depressions. When I go down to this place, I feel so empty and overwhelmed I can barely move. But perversely, I find these traits in a man unacceptable — I can't stand someone who can out-depress me. You know that scene in Babe where the farmer clog-dances for the pig? Sometimes I'm the sick pig and I need a farmer to cheer me up. And when things get bad, my boyfriend does dance for me, and it never fails to make me laugh. He's a pretty snappy dancer.

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Feb 21, 2026

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About Major Franklin Delano Marion "Frank" Burns

Major Franklin Delano Marion

Major Franklin Delano Marion "Frank" Burns

Major Franklin Delano Marion "Frank" Burns, nicknamed "Ferret Face", was a character in the M*A*S*H film and television series. He was portrayed in the film by Robert Duvall, and in the series by Larry Linville. Burns first appeared in the original M*A*S*H novel by Richard Hooker, where he has the rank of captain.

The character is only slightly different in all versions; in the original novel, Burns was a borderline incompetent and egotistical doctor who blamed others for his own shortcomings; in the film, he is also a brooding religious fanatic, while in the television series he is an officious, frenetic, pompous twit obsessed with military order.

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