TuesdaySep 08, 2026
Quotes: 53419 Authors: 9969
I asked, 'Do you know who I am?' and she said, 'No, but if you go to the front desk, they'll tell you.
A poor old man held the winning ticket on a half million dollar lottery. Hearing the old man might be surprised at the shock, the local pastor was asked to break the news gradually. The pastor made a customary call, and while visiting casually asked the old man what he would do with a half million dollars if he had it. The old man replied, 'why, Id give half of it to you.' Whereupon the pastor dropped dead.
I stand fearlessly for small dogs, the American Flag, motherhood and the Bible. That's why people love me.
I've learned it's always better to have a small percentage of a big success, than a hundred percent of nothing.
And keep a sense of humor. It doesn't mean you have to tell jokes. If you can't think of anything else, when you're my age, take off your clothes and walk in front of a mirror. I guarantee you'll get a laugh.
A preacher was operated on for a hernia. As this was about the time of the first world war he was given ether. As he was coming out of the anesthetic a fire broke out in the building next door. As the flames began to show through the hospital windows the nurse pulled the shades down. She didnt want the preacher to think his operation had been a failure.
If you don't go far enough back in memory or far enough ahead in hope, your future will be impoverished.
The two best interview subjects are children under 10 and people over 70 for the same reason: they say the first thing that comes to their mind. The children don't know what they're saying and the old folks don't care.
The four stages of a man are infancy, childhood, adolescence and obsolescence.
A finished product is one that has already seen its better days.
Children have an unerring instinct for knowing when they are being patronized. They go immediately on the defensive against head-patting adults who treat them like strange beings.
A traveling show visited a country town and one of the acts was advertised as a striptease. A small boy begged his mother for a quarter to buy a ticket, but the mother refused, telling her son that if he went to that show he would see something awful. Well, the boy sneaked in the show and the first thing he saw was something awful his own dad sitting on the front row.
Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.
Being alive [at 87] is quite an accomplishment ... if you're curious, interested, seeing the fun out of life, doing things, having a purpose.
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