SaturdayApr 18, 2026
Quotes: 53419 Authors: 9969
You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.
When you become senile, you won't know it.
Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
Your parents put a curse on you Someday your kids are going to act just like you.
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
You are not going to 'go forth.' You are going to take that damn hat off and you're going to get a job.
People will frighten you about a graduation.... They use words you don't hear often ... 'And we wish you Godspeed.' It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices.
My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn't because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.
As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by 'survival of the fittest.'
The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.
Beware of people who fall at your feet. They may be reaching for the corner of the rug.
I don't know the key to success but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
Ours is a youth culture, and like a golf tournament, we honor only low scores.
A word to the wise ain't necessary it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Gray hair is God's graffiti.
Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.
People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.
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