TuesdayAug 18, 2026
Quotes: 53419 Authors: 9969
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your successes.
Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.
A lifetime isn't nearly long enough to figure out what it's all about.
A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.
An alibi is a reason with a bad reputation.
Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.
Heredity is a splendid phenomenon that relieves us of responsibility for our shortcomings.
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day weekend.
Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
One nice thing about telling a clean joke is there's a good chance no one's heard it before.
Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enought to know they were impossible.
Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.
Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.
The reason people blame things on previous generations is that there's only one other choice.
The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.
The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.
There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware.
To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.
Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, and paradise is when you have none.
A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.
Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.
The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.
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