TuesdayMar 31, 2026
Quotes: 53419 Authors: 9969
Frederic Ogden Nash (August 19, 1902 - May 19, 1971) was an American poet best known for writing pithy and funny light verse.
I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree. Indeed, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as a legislature, Sleep is as forward as hives or goiters, And where it is least desired, it loiters.
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
If I could but spot a conclusion, I should race to it.
A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.
No, you never get any fun Out of the things you haven't done.
Senescence begins And middle age ends, The day your descendents, Outnumber your friends.
There are some people who are very resourceful At being remorseful, And who apparently feel the best way to make friends Is to do something terrible and then make amends.
To be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.
I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.
When Ah itchez, Ah scratchez.
How confusing the beams from memory's lamp are; One day a bachelor, the next a grampa. What is the secret of the trick? How did I get so old so quick?
Bankers Are Just Like Anybody Else, Except Richer
When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.
Candy Is dandy But liquor Is quicker.
The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.
Children arent happy with nothing to ignore, And thats what parents were created for.
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.
Discretion is the better part of virtue, Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you.
Dogs display reluctance and wrath If you try to give them a bath. They bury bones in hideaways And half the time they trot sideaways.
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
One would be in less danger From the wiles of the stranger If ones own kin and kith Were more fun to be with.
An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.
There are two kinds of people who blow through life like a breeze, And one kind is gossipers, and the other kind is gossipees.
I'd rather be a great bad poet than a good bad poet.
I myself am more and more inclined to agree with Omar and Satchel Paige as I grow older: Don't try to rewrite what the moving finger has writ, and don't ever look over your shoulder.
There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, And that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.
I was born a jackdaw; why should I try to be an owl?
There was a young belle of old Natchez Whose garments were always in patchez. When comment arose On the state of her clothes, She drawled, 'When Ah itchez, Ah scratchez!'
There is something about a martini, Ere the dining and dancing begin, And to tell you the truth, It is not the vermouth I think that perhaps its the gin.
Linguistics becomes an ever eerier area, like I feel like Im in Oz, Just trying to tell it like it was.
Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing.
Ten years ago she split the air To seize what she could spy Tonight she bumps against a chair, Betrayed by milky eye. She seems to pant, Time up, time up! My little dog must die, And lie in dust with Hector's pup; I So, presently, must I.
Here lies my past. Good-bye I have kissed it; Thank you, kids. I wouldn't have missed it.
He tells you when you've got on too much lipstick, And helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.
Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.
There has been a lot of progress during my lifetime, but Im afraid its heading in the wrong direction.
I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life, particularly if he has income and she is pattable.
Some primal termite knocked on wood; and tasted it, and found it good. That is why your Cousin May fell through the parlor floor today.
Certainly there are lots of things in life that money wont buy, but its very funny Have you ever tried to buy them without money?
Time is like the ocean, always there, always different.
The turtle lives twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile.
Maybe I couldn't be dafter, But I keep wondering if this time we settle our differences before a war instead of after.
Women would rather be right than reasonable.
Door: What a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.
Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force.
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
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