TuesdayMar 31, 2026
Quotes: 53419 Authors: 9969
James Grover Thurber (December 8, 1894 - November 2, 1961) was a U.S. humorist and cartoonist. Thurber was best known for his contributions (both cartoons and short stories) to The New Yorker magazine.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Love is what you've been through with somebody.
Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that can happen to a man.
Perhaps this will refresh your memory.
You wait here and I'll bring the etchings down.
Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.
Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?
You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.
All right, have it your way - you heard a seal bark.
Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
It's a naive domestic Burgundy, without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption.
Everything great in the world comes from neurotics. They alone have founded our religions and composed our masterpieces.
Some American writers who have known each other for years have never met in the daytime or when both were sober.
I have always thought of a dog lover as a dog that was in love with another dog.
All men kill the thing they hate, too, unless, of course, it kills them first.
Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquillity.
No man who has wrestled with a self-adjusting card table can ever be quite the man he once was.
A husband should not insult his wife publicly, at parties. He should insult her in the privacy of the home.
God bless ... God damn.
Men should strive to learn, before they die, what they are running from, and to, and why.
It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all.
Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness.
A lady of 47 who has been married 27 years and has six children knows what love really is and once described it for me like this: 'Love is what youve been through with somebody.'
Never ascribe to malice that which can be adequately explained by ignorance.
A pinch of probability is worth a pound of perhaps.
But those rare souls whose spirit gets magically into the hearts of men, leave behind them something more real and warmly personal than bodily presence, an ineffable and eternal thing. It is everlasting life touching us as something more than a vague, recondite concept. The sound of a great name dies like an echo; the splendor of fame fades into nothing; but the grace of a fine spirit pervades the places through which it has passed, like the haunting loveliness of mignonette.
The dog has seldom been successful in pulling man up to its level of sagacity, but man has frequently dragged the dog down to his.
Sixty minutes of thinking of any kind is bound to lead to confusion and unhappiness.
I hate women because they always know where things are.
I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness.
It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
Americans want to go to heaven without dying.
You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward.
And the little girl had approached the bed no nearer than thirty feet when she pulled out a pistol and shot the wolf dead; for even in a cap and nightgown a wolf looks no more like your grandmother than Calvin Coolidge looks like the Metro-Goldwyn lion. Moral: Little girls are not so easy to fool nowadays as they used to be.
It had only one fault. It was kind of lousy.
When all things are equal, translucence in writing is more effective than transparency, just as glow is more revealing than glare.
Well if this is the wrong number, why did you answer it?
But what is all this fear of and opposition to Oblivion? What is the matter with the soft Darkness, the Dreamless Sleep?
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