WednesdayMar 18, 2026
Quotes: 53419 Authors: 9969
Never base your budget requests on realistic assumptions, as this could lead to a decrease in your funding.
Your Business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting.
Man is a game playing animal and a computer is another way to play games.
The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller.
Methods for predicting the future: 1) read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls ... collectively known as 'nutty methods;' 2) put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer ... commonly referred to as 'a complete waste of time.'
There's a fine line between participation and mockery.
There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
Technology: No Place for Wimps!
Few things in life are less efficient than a group of people trying to write a sentence. The advantage of this method is that you end up with something for which you will not be personally blamed.
The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.
It is better for your career to do nothing, than to do something and attract criticism.
The Dilbert Principle: People are idiots.
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.
I'm slowly becoming a convert to the principle that you can't motivate people to do things, you can only demotivate them. The primary job of the manager is not to empower but to remove obstacles.
Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.
In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It's called Karoshi. I don't want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.
Dilbert Principle: The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.
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