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There is a technique, a knack, for thinking, just as there is for doing other things. You are not wholly at the mercy of your thoughts, any more than they are you. They are a machine you can learn to operate. Alfred North Whitehead		Wednesday Mar 18, 2026
		Quotes: 53419 Authors: 9969

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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. Joan Rivers

Quote Author: Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers (born June 8, 1933) is an American comedienne, actress, talk show host, businesswoman, and celebrity. She is known for her brash manner and loud, raspy voice with a heavy metropolitan New York accent. Rivers is the National Chairwoman of the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation and is a board member of God's Love We Deliver. Like the ground-breaking Phyllis Diller, Rivers' act relied heavily on poking fun at herself. A typical Rivers joke about her unattractiveness: "I used to stand by the side of the road with a sign: 'Last girl before freeway.'"

Other Joan Rivers Quotes

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly hurt, bitterness, grief, and, mostof all, fear.

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.

I'm Jewish. It don't work out. If God wanted us to bend over he'd have put diamonds on the floor.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.