ThursdayFeb 05, 2026
Quotes: 53419 Authors: 9969
Rita Rudner (17 September 1956 - ) is an American comedienne and writer.
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
My mother buried three husbands ... and two of them were only napping.
Before I met my husband I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives.
Cats are a waste of fur.
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
A good place to meet men is at the dry cleaners. These men have jobs and usually bathe.
I've never seen a man walk into a party and say 'Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.'
Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
I love being married. Its so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didnt want him to.
Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. Thats how rich I want to be.
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