SaturdayJul 26, 2025
Quotes: 53419 Authors: 9969
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
I don't give a damn for a man who can spell a word only one way.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.
It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
Man is the only animal that deals in that atrocity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind. He is the only animal that for sordid wages will march out... and help to slaughter strangers of his own species who have done him no harm and with whom he has no quarrel... And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for 'the universal brotherhood of man' - with his mouth.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.
It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
We are chameleons, and our partialities and prejudices change place with an easy and blessed facility, and we are soon wonted to the change and happy in it.
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
All say, 'How hard it is that we have to die' - a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live.
To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times.
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.
When in doubt tell the truth.
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
When angry count four; when very angry, swear.
Definition of a classic: Something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a book or a newspaper the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual...
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do... Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of conjectures out of such trifling investment of fact.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
I have been told that Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
The report of my death was an exaggeration.
All kings is mostly rapscallions.
There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth.
A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversation.
Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon And does not hear her.
There are several good protections against temptation, But the surest is cowardice.
The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy - give one and take ten.
The human race has only one really effective weapon And that is laughter.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said, I don't know.
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, And Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land Again after a cheerful, careless voyage.
It is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none At all.
Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.
Never learn to do anything: if you don't learn, you'll Always find someone else to do it for you.
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
If Christ were here now, there is one thing he would not be a Christian.
A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
In his private heart no man much respects himself.
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, know how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.
What a good thing Adam had when he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.
After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?
Don't part with your allusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
There is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.
When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
I refused to attend his funeral. But I wrote a very nice letter explaining that I approved of it.
A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase.
Adam was but human this explains it all. He did not want the apples for the apples sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden.
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
Man is the only animal that blushes, or needs to.
Suppose ... burglars had made entry into this ... [library]. Picture them seated here on this floor, pouring the light of their dark-lanterns over some books they found, and thus absorbing moral truths and getting moral uplift. The whole course of their lives would have been changed. As it was, they kept straight on in their immoral way and were sent to jail. For all I know, they may next be sent to Congress.
My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) Everybody drinks water.
Buy land. They've stopped making it.
The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.
The best way to cheer yourself is to cheer up somebody else.
If men bore children, there would only be one born in each family.
More than one cigar at a time is excessive smoking.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
I dont like to commit myself about heaven and hell you see, I have friends in both places.
I can live for two months on a good compliment.
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.
I have criticized absent people so often, and then discovered, to my humiliation, that I was talking with their relatives, that I have grown superstitious about that sort of thing and dropped it.
It were not best that we should all think alike; it is the difference of opinion that makes horse races.
Always do right this will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Go and surprise the whole country by doing something right.
There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like and do what you'd druther not.
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
Some people get an eduction without going to college; the rest get it after they get out.
Behold the fool saith 'Put not all thine eggs in the one basket' which is but a manner of saying, 'Scatter your money and your attention'; but the wise man saith, 'Put all your eggs in the one basket and watch that basket!'
Eloquence is the essential thing in a speech, not information.
Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.
Good judgment comes from experience. And where does experience come from? Experience comes from bad judgment.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.
Get your facts first, and then you can distort em as much as you please.
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
Faith is believing what you know aint so.
Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.
Familiarity breeds contempt and children.
Familiarity breeds contempt. How accurate that is. The reason we hold truth in such respect is because we have so little opportunity to get familiar with it.
Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear not absence of fear.
There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.
Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isnt.
What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight, what counts is the size of the fight in the dog.
Whatever a man's age, he can reduce it several years by putting a brightcolored flower in his buttonhole.
The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
The trouble isn't that there are too many fools, but that the lightning isn't distributed right.
Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
'Fortune knocks at every mans door once in a life,' but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her.
Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than on all other days of the year put together. This proves, by the numbers left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right.
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
Every generalization is dangerous, especially this one.
Next to possessing genius one's self is the power of appreciating it in others.
There is nothing more frustrating than a good example.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
It takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler and less trouble.
He was such a good man that people hated to see him coming.
It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.
I have a higher and greater standard of principle. Washington could not lie. I can lie but I won't.
Habit is habit, and not to be flung out the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.
A habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.
Nothing so needs reforming as other peoples habits.
I am different from Washington; I have a higher, grander standard of principle. Washington could not lie. I can lie, but I won't.
There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.
All that I care to know is that a man is a human being that is enough for me; he can't be any worse.
My first American ancestor, gentlemen, was an Indianan early Indian. Your ancestors skinned him alive, and I am an orphan. All those Salem witches were ancestors of mine. Your people made it tropical for them.... The first slave brought into New England out of Africa was an ancestor of minefor I am a mixed breed, an infinitely shaded and exquisite Mongrel.
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. (The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.)
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion are adversaries, some are insane.
You cant depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus.
We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and blind can read.
The lack of money is the root of all evils.
I have had an aversion to good spelling for sixty years and more, merely for the reason that when I was a boy there was not a thing I could do creditably except spell according to the book. It was a poor and mean distinction, and I early learned to disenjoy it. I suppose that this is because the ability to spell correctly is a talent, not an acquirement. There is some dignity about an acquirement, because it is a product of your own labor. It is wages earned, whereas to be able to do a thing merely by the grace of God, and not by your own effort, transfers the distinction to our heavenly home where possibly it is a matter of pride and satisfaction, but it leaves you naked and bankrupt.
This morning arrives a letter from my ancient silver-mining comrade, Calvin H. Higbie, a man whom I have not seen nor had communication with for forty-four years.... [Footnote: Roughing It is dedicated to Higbie.] ... I shall allow myself the privilege of copying his punctuation and his spelling, for to me they are a part of the man. He is as honest as the day is long. He is utterly simple-minded and straightforward, and his spelling and his punctuation are as simple and honest as he is himself. He makes no apology for them, and no apology is needed.
What is the real function, the essential function, the supreme function, of language? Isn't it merely to convey ideas and emotions? Certainly. Then if we can do it with words of fonetic brevity and compactness, why keep the present cumbersome forms?
The law of work does seem utterly unfair but there it is, and nothing can change it; the higher the pay in enjoyment the worker gets out of it, the higher shall be his pay in money also.
The first time a student realizes that a little learning is a dangerous thing is when he brings home a poor report card.
Irreverence is the champion of liberty and its one sure defense.
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that the cat has only nine lives.
Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.
Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.
Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Animal... In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple things which other animals easily learn, he is incapable of learning. Among my experiments was this. In an hour I taught a cat and a dog to be friends. I put them in a cage. In another hour I taught them to be friends with a rabbit. In the course of two days I was able to add a fox, a goose, a squirrel and some doves. Finally a monkey. They lived together in peace; even affectionately.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.
My father was an amazing man. The older I got, the smarter he got.
Necessity is the mother of taking chances.
A man with a new idea is a crank until he succeeds.
We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove. We have two opinions: one private, which we are afraid to express; and another one the one we use which we force ourselves to wear to please Mrs. Grundy, until habit makes us comfortable in it, and the custom of defending it presently makes us love it, adore it, and forget how pitifully we came by it. Look at it in politics.
There is no security in life, only opportunity.
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before him.
The miracle, or the power, that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application, and perseverance under the promptings of a brave, determined spirit.
It made me shiver. And I about made up my mind to pray and see if I couldn't try to quit bein the kind of a boy I was and be better. So I kneeled down, But the words wouldn't come. Why wouldnt they? It werent no use to try and hide it from Him .... I knowed very well why they wouldnt come. It was because my heart warn't right; it was because I warn't square; it was because I was playin double. I was lettin on to give up sin, but way inside of me I was holdin on to the biggest one of all. I was tryin to make my mouth say I would do the right thing and the clean thing ... but deep down in me I knowed it was a lie, and He knowed it. You can't pray a lie. I found that out.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Indecency, vulgarity, obscenity these are strictly confined to man; he invented them. Among the higher animals there is no trace of them. They hide nothing. They are not ashamed.
There is no such thing as the Queen's English. The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares!
The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them.
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.
Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.
The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.
Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
'So just you march right outdoors and start whitewashin' the fence. It will keep you out of mischief for a while at any' rate.' 'But, Ma,' Sam protested, 'this is Saturday.' 'Now do as I say!' Sam shuffled outside. Slowly he carried the long-handled brush
If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.
In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.
In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore, in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long, seven hundred and forty-two years from now the Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long. There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.
It may be called the Master Passion, the hunger for self-approval.
It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.
Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I have done it a thousand times.
There aint no way to find out why a snorer cant hear himself more.
[He was] a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
Maybe it's not as bad as it sounds.
There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.
I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way.
As I have said before, I never had any large respect for good spelling. That is my feeling yet. Before the spelling-book came with its arbitrary forms, men unconsciously revealed shades of their characters, and also added enlightening shades of expression to what they wrote by their spelling, and so it is possible that the spelling-book has been a doubtful benevolence to us.
It's spring feveryou don't know quite what it is you want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so.
I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics.
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
This is the fairest picture on our planet, the most enchanting to look upon, the most satisfying to the eye and spirit. To see the sun sink down, drowned in his pink and purple and golden floods, and overwhelm Florence with tides of color that make all the sharp lines dim and faint and turn the solid city to a city of dreams, is a sight to stir the coldest nature, and make a sympathetic one drunk with ecstasy.
When some men discharge an obligation, you can hear the report for miles around.
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
The Bible has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies.
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightening that does the work.
The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
Huck has just lied to protect his friend, Jim, a runaway slave. With this simple argument Twain demolishes at least two or three of the most commonplace modern approaches to morality. They went off, and I got aboard the raft, feeling bad and low, because
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
It is easier to stay out than get out.
The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of this world's luxuries, king by the grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took; we know it because she repented.
Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it.
Truth is such a precious article let us all economize in its use.
When in doubt, tell the truth.
Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
Truth is more of a stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isnt.
A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
Few sinners are saved after the fiirst twenty minutes of a sermon.
When asked to comment on the music of Richard Wagner: Maybe it's not as bad as it sounds.
And always we had wars, and more wars, and still other wars all over Europe, all over the world. 'Sometimes in the private interest of royal families,' Satan said, 'sometimes to crush a weak nation; but never a war started by the aggressor for any clean purpose there is no such war in the history of the race.
Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.
When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat.
The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which have never happened.
Thrusting my nose firmly between his teeth, I threw him heavily to the ground on top of me.
Write without pay until somebody offers pay. If nobody offers within three years, the candidate may look upon this circumstance with the most implicit confidence as the sign that sawing wood is what he was intended for.
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.
If there was two birds sitting on a fence, he would bet you which one would fly first.
If we hadn't our bewitching autumn foliage, we should still have to credit the weather with one feature which compensates for all its bullying vagaries the ice-storm: when a leafless tree is clothed with ice from the bottom to the top ice that is as br
A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a book or newspaper the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.
Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience of 4000 critics.
I cannot keep from talking, even at the risk of being instructive.
I was a-trembling because Id got to decide forever betwixt two things, and I knowed it. I studied for a minute, sort of holding my breath, and then says to myself, 'All right, then Ill go to hell.'
Make it a point to do something every day that you dont want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said, 'I don't know.'
I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Be good and you will be lonesome.
Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out.
Honesty is the best policy when there is money in it.
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
His ignorance covered the whole earth like a blanket, and there was hardly a hole in it anywhere.
There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive.
Ill risk forty dollars that he can outjump an frog in Calaveras county
In studying the traits and dispositions of the so-called lower animals, and contrasting them with man's, I find the result humiliating to me.
It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.
Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.
I am prepared to meet anyone, but whether anyone is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Crank a man with a new idea until it succeeds.
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
I believe I have no prejudices whatsoever. All I need to know is that a man is a member of the human race. That's bad enough for me.
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
I don't know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed, except the answer to prayer.
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it hundreds of times.
The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.
Religion consists of a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain.
Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.
There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.
October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.
To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
You can't make a life over. Society wouldn't let you if you would.
To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness. Broad, wholesome, charitable views cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries of life disappear and life stands explained.
He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Without fools the rest of us could not succeed.
We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if we had stopped with the first thing we had ever invented human liberty.
Warm summer sun, shine kindly here; Warm southern wind, blow softly here; Green sod above, lie light, lie light Good night, dear heart, good night, good night.
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